I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found the puke drawer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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