im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
