i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
