My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
