i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
