Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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