just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
