Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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