Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
