Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
