Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
