it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
