do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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