So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
