I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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