She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
