OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
