It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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