Jerry, you need to find god
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
