Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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