My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
