I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
