My underwear smells like fireworks.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
