Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
