playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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