They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
