i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
