Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
