Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
