you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am never drinking with the goths again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
