New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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