smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
