im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
