Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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