You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
