the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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