We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
