i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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