Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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