fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
well you can't waste a boner
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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