We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
