google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
