im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
