I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
