I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
