my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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