That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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