Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
