I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
