i permit you to call me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
