i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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