they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you mean i was at the winter classic?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
