i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
