I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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