Don't you send me to vm
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
