So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His nipple licking is glorious
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