Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Success! We fucked roommates!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
