Do you still have your period?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
