yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
