He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
