I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
