You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Someone came in the potted fern
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
