This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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