i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
