sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
