the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
