Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
