My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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