I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
