I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
