we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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